Capitalizing the letter "I" for effect just looks normal.

RT @__MICHAELJ0RDAN: winding down for the night with some warm oj and a poptart.

If hitting the spacebar doesn't stop the song or video on a website, something has gone horribly wrong.

Who's going commando these days? I need advice.

I need a cordless.

Using your phone is embarrassing

Inanimate object body heat.

Taking off or putting on shoes, for a man, is the only reason I hate everything sometimes.

Nobody is outside. Oh wait, I was looking in between everybody. There they are.

Strawberry Bubblebutts

Tuck your socks in, it's Easter.

My jean jacket is a little baggy.

When's Domino's next highly anticipated album gonna drop??

Dear internet ad-bot, the thing I clicked on yesterday that keeps appearing in my side bar, uhm, stop it. I bought one on CraigsList today.

If you sneeze when you pee a baby comes out.